important decisions Archives

24/10/2019 by Lisa McDonald

Baby or No-Baby Crossroads – Where To From Here?

Have you reached a baby or no baby crossroads?

When growing up, I had always thought that I would be a mum one day. I was one of five children born to happily married parents. I expected that all the right circumstances would just come together at the right time for that to happen. However as my 40th birthday approached, I was nowhere near having all the pieces together.

I had married and divorced in my late 20s. And here I was at almost 40 with no partner or baby in sight. While most of the time I still had hope that it would happen, there were also other times I felt like such a failure.

There were many baby or no-baby crossroads where I had to decide: ”where to from here?” Do I want to continue down the path of trying to make it happen, or is it time to close the door?”

At each of these times, I had to work through the process, in order to make that decision. So, I know how it feels. There can be a lot of uncertainty and confusion. Therefore, it can be really confronting to ask uncomfortable questions, and to seek out the answers.

Three questions to ask at baby or no-baby crossroads

If you’re at a baby or no-baby crossroad now, take a moment now to ask yourself the following three questions:

What is stopping you from making a decision?
How important is it to make a decision at this time?
By NOT making a decision, what is it costing you?

Click here to get my free resource: “8 Essential Questions To Ask When Deciding To Have A Baby or Not.”

Opportunity knocks with each crossroad

Although it might be daunting, each baby or no-baby crossroad can be a fabulous opportunity to gain real clarity about what is truly important. The following quote by Mehmet Murat Ildan captures this sentiment:

“When you lose your path, you get an opportunity to discover a world you have never known! And better worlds are often found this way! Darkness and uncertainty hide presents in itself!”

Where To From Here?

There can be great freedom in making a decision- even if it’s just deciding on the next step. Making a decision frees you up to move forward. It allows you to put your time, energy and effort into focusing on outcomes that fulfil you. That, however, requires you to make the commitment to move from where you are now. So, where to from here for you?

If you are at a baby or no-baby crossroads and would help to work through the process of getting clear about your decision click here to book a time to chat with me about how one of my programs can help.

Remember, it’s your life – create it the way you want it.

Warm regards
Lisa

12/09/2019 by Lisa McDonald

Are You Operating In Protection or Creation Mode?

Operating in protection mode is vastly different from operating in creation mode. One mode delivers very different results to the other.

Did you know that that the same part of your brain that you use to create your life, is the same part you use to protect yourself? That’s right.

But your brain can’t perform both functions at the same time. So you are either operating in creation mode OR you are operating in protection mode.

Why the brain moves into protection mode

The brain moves into protection mode when it perceives stress. This happens when there is a perceived threat to your existence. That includes any physical threat eg a wild tiger, or someone with a gun. It also includes any threat to your sense of identity or self-image (who you think you are, and are not). Because the mind perceives a threat, the body immediately creates a stress response in the body. It’s preparing for fight or flight.

These stress responses are also elicited when you are faced with making or implementing a big decision, goal or other outcome. For example contemplating how to rebuild your life after divorce. Or deciding on whether having a baby or not is the right path for you. Or setting a goal to earn a million dollars when you’ve only earned $10,000. Each of these situations stirs up our fears, beliefs and sense of self. They strike at the heart of our past, present and future identity.

How humans experience stress differently to animals

Protection - Why humans experience stress differently to animals

In animals, once they are removed from the threat, their body systems return to normal in about 20 minutes. However, humans often accumulate stress. They have the ability to replay the stressful event over and over in the mind. Each time they replay the event, the same stress response is experienced in the body, mind and emotions.

If not addressed or released, that same story will sit within them. It becomes part of where the edge is to their protection and comfort zone. When someone or something causes the old memory to pop up, that same stress response will be triggered. The same pattern can be triggered over and over again – unless addressed and released. Stress affects decision-making and action-taking, and if prolonged, can affect health.

The cost of continuing to avoid stress

If you keep resisting and dodging important decision-making or action-taking, you will create a void within you. Continuing to resist what you know you need to do or want to do will drain your energy, focus, enjoyment and well-being. You’ll also beat yourself up for not living or achieving the things that are most important to you. All of this resistance and self-criticism will prolong the stress cycle, perpetuate operating in protection mode and reduce your ability to actually create the life you want.

If you’re tired of wasting all that time and energy, make a commitment to address your stress and to resolve the issues. Otherwise your brain will keep you stuck in protection mode, which will prevent you from making important decisions, taking action and creating the life that you desire.

If you’d like some help to shift out of protection and into creation mode, so you can make an important decision, achieve a goal or create some other outcome, click here to contact me.

18/07/2019 by Lisa McDonald

Questions: “Why do you want to have a Baby”?

Simple questions such as, “Why do you want to have a baby?”, can cause a lot of women discomfort and irritation, and trigger other emotional responses. There can be lots of reasons why.⁠

For starters, many women can find the whole baby thing, baby or no baby, a very sensitive subject. Especially for women as they hit their 30s, 40s and even 50s. And, these reactions can be the same whether they have no children, one child or several.

Reasons Why Women React

One big reason why a woman reacts to these types of questions, is that she feels that she is going to be judged by her answers. She may be feel judged for her decision, or judged for her reasoning. It can bring up all sorts of feelings of being vulnerable, wrong, inadequate, along with many other emotions.⁠

These are all normal human reactions. They can provide useful feedback into what’s going on for us. However, if we get too bogged down in them, these negative emotions can keep us stuck. They can really limit our ability to move forward authentically.⁠

Valuable Signposts

Emotional triggers to questions can be valuable sign posts for our own personal growth. Because, they highlight our sensitivities. Why is that question bothering me? Where are those emotions coming from? Is there something here that I need to let go of?

The answers can provide a springboard for addressing negative and limiting patterns in our life. By clearing the cause of our triggers, we don’t react in the same way to questions. It frees us up enjoy a greater sense of self, and to take the actions required to live a life that fulfills us.⁠

If you’ve been emotionally triggered by the whole baby thing, baby or no baby questions, consider getting some assistance to move past it. If you’d like to chat with me about how I can help you, please book a time for a chat with me.⁠
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06/06/2019 by Lisa McDonald

Life Has Many Crossroads

In life there any many crossroads. A point at which we must consider which pathway to take.

That crossroad might be about having a baby or not, our health, a relationship, a job/business or any other area of your life. It might be in relation to a decision, an action or an outcome. Or any significant event.

How Will I Deal With It?

It’s a time where we have to pause and consider which path we will take. Will I: ignore it and keep doing the same thing? Run away and avoid it? Or, confront and deal with it?

sometimes the answer is clear to us. Other times we can get really stuck in indecision and inaction. Each pathway has it’s benefits and drawbacks. So it can become confusing, confronting and uncomfortable.

Ultimately, each of these crossroads is an opportunity. Either to clarify our intentions, to solve the underlying problems and to move on with our life. Or, to stay in our safe familiar comfort zone (even if it’s uncomfortable) and not solve the problem. Either way, it’s our choice.

But nothing will change unless we make a clear decision and commitment that we will choose a path. Have you decided that you will decide?

Making A Decision and Taking Action

If you’re facing a life crossroad take a few moments to stop and check in.

What is the key decision I am facing right now?
What is the purpose of making this decision or taking this action? Want will it help me to do or achieve?
Am I really committed to doing what’s required to achieve this outcome?

It can take a lot of courage to step forward, confront and make decisions about which path to take in life. That’s why it can be really beneficial to have someone by your side who knows what it’s like, because they have been there. Someone who can provide a safe space and sounding board for you to work through the issues. Someone who also has the experience and skills to guide you through the process of figuring out what is right for you.

If you’d like some support to navigate through this important crossroad in your life, please connect with me and let me know how I can help. Or, click here to book a chat. I’d love to support you in figuring out the next steps

08/05/2019 by Lisa McDonald

“When Are You Going To Have A Baby?”

The question,”when are you going to have a baby?” can be really uncomfortable or irritating for many women. Yet this it’s a question that a woman will be asked many times over her life.

Common Question Times

This question is particularly common when a woman:

Starts a new relationship,
Becomes engaged,
Gets married,
Has a child

And … particularly when a woman hits her 30s and 40s and doesn’t have a child.

It’s a question that often causes [Read more…]