“Running away from a problem only increases the distance from the solution.”
Just as the above quote says, running away from a problem is just a strategy for avoiding the problem. And the problem with avoidance is, it doesn’t resolve the situation. If it’s a big enough issue, it will present itself at some other time, or continue to pop up again and again. It may be in the same shape or form, or it might be different.
Three common examples of things that people run away from are making decisions, confronting what they think and feel, and taking action to implement their decision. All very normal But all stand in the way of making progress.
Problems can eat away at you
Unresolved problems have thoughts and feelings attached to them. They sit in your mind ad body, shaping your actions an outcome, whether they are conscious and unconscious. They can eat away at you, undermining your confidence and resilience. If the issues are big enough, then can seriously affect your health, relationships, finances and every other area of your life.
Getting closer to the solution
Rather than avoid the problem, the solution is of course to deal with it. This requires a willingness to confront the problem. To be honest with yourself, to confront the issues and to take actions to move you forward. It doesn’t mean that it will be comfortable or easy. However it is necessary to get closer to the solution. Otherwise it will hold you back and you won’t be able to breakthrough.
Have you been running away from a problem? Is there a decision or action that you’ve been avoiding which is causing you pain, discomfort or holding you back? It could be around your career/business, having a child or not, or any other area of your life. If this sounds like you then you must set a very clear intention that you actually want to resolve the problem. You must commit to taking action and start implementing. You also need to be flexible enough to keep adjusting. Things may happen differently than you expect, and it’s likely you’ll have to try new things.
Just keep stepping forward. Keep going until you’ve succeeded in your desired outcomes.
PS If you’re tired of running away from the problem or have an important goal you want to achieve, click here to book a chat with me.. We’ll talk about your situation and see if we’re a match.
Christmas is one of the most celebrated holidays in the world. It can touch many people, from children through to adults, throughout the years. Consequently it can be the source of many memories. Each story of an event is affected by the way you see, think and feel about about what happened. For some the memories are happy and positive, while for others they are unpleasant or painful.
Whatever you experience in life, you have the ability to shape your own story. In today’s post, I share Oprah Winfrey’s story about how her worst Christmas became her best. And, some of the ways in which that story affected her.
It was Christmas Eve and Oprah was 12 years old. Her mother took her aside and told her that they wouldn’t be having Christmas that year. Oprah’s initial response was to asked about Santa. Her mother responded by telling her that there was not Santa. There wasn’t going to be any gifts for her or her young sisters.
Her Worst Christmas Story
In truth, Oprah had already started to become aware that there was no Santa. However, this was her first realisation that they were poor. Her initial reaction was of guilt and shame. Then, she began thinking about the story she would share with others. Normally on Christmas morning all the kids would play out doors with their new toys, and show their neighbours what they had received. Knowing that she wouldn’t have any new toys to show, Oprah considered whether she would hide out in their house or say she was sick the next morning. It was going to be her worst Christmas ever.
A New Christmas Story
Late that night, some nuns came to the house with food, and toys for her and her young sisters. Oprah was very touched and grateful – someone had noticed them! Additionally, this wonderful act of kindness had gifted her with a new story to tell. Oprah had recognised that it transformed her story, from her worst Christmas into her best .
The Power of Oprah’s Story
Oprah never forgot that earlier experience and how she felt. Years later she was building a house which was not going to be ready for Christmas. She asked herself, “what would be the next best way to spend Christmas?” She reflected back on her childhood experience. The answer that came to her was to give other children that same experience, of being noticed. She decided to go to South Africa and to give food, clothes, toys, and soccer balls to some of the poorer villages. Oprah re-framed her story, which enabled her to experience the joy of giving to these kids.
Your Christmas Stories
If your life has been touched by Christmas then it is likely that you have your own stories to share. Aside from Christmas (which many people in the world don’t celebrate), your life has been impacted by many things. Take a few minutes now to reflect on some of your best and worst stories from your life, and how they have impacted you.
Here are three powerful questions to ask yourself:
- What experiences you are grateful for?
- Do you have any stories that you need to transform into more positive and empowering ones?
- How could you share that same experience with someone else?
Empower Yourself And Others
As a 12 year old, Oprah had a powerful experience. She could have chosen to focus on negative aspects of her story, or she could focus on the positive aspects of her story. By choosing to focus on the positive, she got to feel grateful and empowered. You have choices too.
Whether you celebrate Christmas or not, your experiences can be powerful. Your stories of these events are flavoured by how you think and feel. Consequently your stories shape your life. They also have a ripple effect, flowing on and impacting others. Carrying around negative stories increases stress and conflict. It also reduces your self-belief, drains your energy and keeps you stuck in the past.
Instead, learn how to re-frame your stories into more positive ones. If you’re finding it difficult to re-frame your story, and would like some help, please click here to book in a free chat with me.
Remember, your stories and choices shape your life. Just like Oprah Winfrey, you can re-frame your stories to support you and the life you want to live.
Today’s quote on confusion comes from American writer Henry Miller, (1891-1980). According to Wikipedia, Miller was known for “breaking with existing literary forms and developing a new type of semi-autobiographical novel that blended character study, social criticism, philosophical reflection, stream of consciousness, explicit language, sex, surrealist free association, and mysticism.”.
Here are Miller’s wise words:
“Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood.” – Henry Miller
Confusion – Action Point
Take a moment now to consider where you are experiencing confusion in your life. It could be in relation to work or a personal issue. It could be related to an important decision you need to make. Or, it might relate to an important goal you are working towards. Then, consider how it is holding you back with your goals.
Next, apply Henry Miller’s wise words to the situation. Can you see that there is an order there.? If not, then focus your efforts on discovering the pathway to understanding where the order is. Continue with your efforts until you have clarity.
If you’re struggling with confusion, and want help to gain clarity, then consider contacting me to chat about how I can best help you. Click here to book a chat.
Stepping Towards Clarity
Take the next step forward by breaking through barrier to understanding today. Taking action towards clarity will support in achieving progress and succeeding with your goals.
We all have emotional triggers where people, words, opinions, circumstances, or environmental situations hit a ‘raw nerve’ inside us. It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under our feet, and it can make us feel sick in the pit of our stomach. It provokes an intense and excessive emotional reaction within us. Then, seconds later, there is a response. For some there’s an outwardly noticeable response, while for others it’s an internally contained buried response.
Why do we get triggered? What happens when we become emotionally triggered? Why is it important to identify our emotional triggers? How do they keep us stuck? Read on to find out.
How You Become Emotionally Triggered
Virtually anything can be an emotional trigger. You could be on your own or with a partner, family member, friend, colleague or other. The trigger could start with a tone of voice, a type of person, a particular viewpoint, a single word, anything.
In any case, it arises when a situation occurs in the present which hits that ‘raw nerve’ – awakening the memory of a past experience. It’s a source of emotional pain to us , because it is connected to a perceived inadequacy we have about ourselves.
- Body: Experiencing a fight, flight-or-freeze stress response (‘deer in the headlights’). The body has a number of responses to this, some of which include changes such as:
* Breathing – Shallow breathing, choking feeling or difficulty with breathing
* Heart- rapid heartbeat, palpitations and chest pain.
* Stomach – churning and sick feeling in the stomach; nausea
* Temperature changes – hot flushes; chills;
* Other trembling – dizziness or faintness or sweating
* Can also be a feeling of detachment/unreality (known as dissociation);
- Emotions: Experiencing intense feelings such as hatred, disgust, anger, fear, terror, or grief
- Mind: Thoughts of woundedness, a victim, deflecting by blaming and judging others.
- Actions: Self-protective behaviour such as shutting down/withdrawing inside, shouting, arguing, insulting, belittling, defaming, sabotaging, assaulting, and even murdering or otherwise emotionally reacting.
Reasons For Emotional Triggers
- Traumatic experiences. When a person has had a past traumatic experience (eg war, rape or violent attack), they can re-experience that event. Just seeing, hearing, tasting, touching or smell something that reminds them of the previous trauma, can cause them to re-experience it. The reaction is often extreme fear and panic (or in some cases, anger).
- Opposing beliefs and values. They reflect what we hold as true and important in life. They help us to feel safe and comfortable. When we strongly identify with our beliefs and values, we may find it difficult to be tolerant when people disagree or challenge them. Reason being that they are calling into question, the truth and legitimacy of what we hold dear
- Identity. Our sense of self is composed of thoughts, memories, cultural values, assumptions and belief structures. Its primary purpose is to protect us from facing what we fear most – death of the self (as we know it). It does this through developing elaborate “self-protection” mechanisms in the form of beliefs, ideals, desires, habits, and addictions. Threats or challenges to our identity are likely to trigger emotions immediately.
The Importance of Identifying Emotional Triggers
If you want to create different results in your life, then it’s important that you consciously identify your emotional triggers. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly manipulated by your emotions. Furthermore, this underlying tension can drain your energy, trip you up, and strain relationships. Alongside that, if you don’t address these emotional triggers, you will continue to repeat the same patterns. You will continue to find yourself:
- in triggering situations,
- feeling the emotional reactions,
- behaving in response
- having the same results
Emotional triggers can interfere with your ability to clarify your direction, make decisions and take action. They disempower you and sabotage your success, blocking you as you try to make progress. Consequently, they affect your ability to achieve what’s important in your life.
If you are not achieving the results you want, then sit down and reflect. Look for the patterns which are holding you back. Similarly, consider how are those patterns being triggered? Next, commit to getting them sorted out. If you can’t identify or resolve the patterns and triggers yourself, or simply want to do it in a faster and more effective way, then I encourage you to seek out assistance.
Time to breakthrough your emotional triggers so you can achieve different results? If so, it’s time to take action. I have a proven step by step process for assisting people who are ready to breakthrough their emotionally triggered patterns. Simply click here to book a chat to find out how I can best assist you.
Ultimately, it’s up to you to create the life you desire – take at least one action step today towards achieving your important goals.