Lisa McDonald

Empowering Women And Men To Get Unstuck, Walk Their Own Path, And Have A Great Life

  • Home
  • About
    • Let’s Get Started
  • Coaching
    • PeakPerformer Audit
    • Strategic Life Management – Foundations
    • Strategic Life Management – Building Results
    • 2019 Strategic Goal Setting: Life Review Planning Workshop
  • The Whole Baby Thing
    • Upcoming Book – The Whole Baby Thing
    • Podcast
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Case Studies

02/10/2018 by Lisa McDonald Leave a Comment

How Your Emotional Triggers Keep You Stuck

How Your Emotional Triggers Keep You Stuck

We all have emotional triggers where people, words, opinions, circumstances, or environmental situations hit a ‘raw nerve’ inside us.  It’s like someone pulled the rug out from under our feet, and it can make us feel sick in the pit of our stomach.  It provokes an intense and excessive emotional reaction within us.  Then, seconds later, there is a response.  For some there’s an outwardly noticeable response, while for others it’s an internally contained buried response.

Why do we get triggered?  What happens when we become emotionally triggered?  Why is it important to identify our emotional triggers?  How do they keep us stuck? Read on to find out.

How You Become Emotionally Triggered

The Situation

Virtually anything can be an emotional trigger.  You could be on your own or with a partner, family member, friend, colleague or other.  The trigger could start with a tone of voice, a type of person, a particular viewpoint, a single word, anything.

In any case, it arises when a situation occurs in the present which hits that ‘raw nerve’ – awakening the memory of a past experience.  It’s a source of emotional pain to us , because it is connected to a perceived inadequacy we have about ourselves.

The Reaction

These past memories bring up an emotional reaction, a feeling that ‘it’s happening again’ or ‘he’s doing it again’.  By reminding us of our past pain, it creates an associated emotional reaction within us.  Emotions commonly triggered include anger, rage, sadness, insecurity, rejection and fear.
Emotional triggers cause us to react, which we experience through the following ways:
  1. Body: Experiencing a fight, flight-or-freeze stress response (‘deer in the headlights’).  The body has a number of responses to this, some of which include changes such as:
    * Breathing – Shallow breathing, choking feeling or difficulty with breathing
    * Heart- rapid heartbeat, palpitations and chest pain.
    *  Stomach – churning and sick feeling in the stomach; nausea
    * Temperature changes – hot flushes; chills;
    * Other trembling – dizziness or faintness or sweating
    * Can also be a feeling of detachment/unreality (known as dissociation);
  2. Emotions: Experiencing intense feelings such as hatred, disgust, anger, fear, terror, or grief
  3. Mind:  Thoughts of woundedness,  a victim, deflecting by blaming and judging others.
  4. Actions:  Self-protective behaviour such as shutting down/withdrawing inside, shouting, arguing, insulting, belittling, defaming, sabotaging, assaulting, and even murdering or otherwise emotionally reacting.
  5. Results

The Response

Triggered responses can vary depending on the situation and person.  Some of the common responses include yelling, arguing or insulting. The person could respond by crying, shutting down/withdrawing or leaving.  They might become a people pleaser, become needy, or blaming.  Or, they may respond by turning to an addiction – such as food, drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, shopping, work gambling and so on.  Or any other behaviour which helps us to escape the pain.

Reasons For Emotional Triggers

Ultimately our emotional triggers come from our past experiences,  memories and emotions.  They are based on our perception of not having one or more of our deepest needs or desires met.  It may be an unmet need in the past, in the present or in the future.

Additional Causes:

  1. Traumatic experiences.  When a person has had a past traumatic experience (eg war, rape or violent attack), they can re-experience that event.  Just seeing, hearing, tasting, touching or smell something that reminds them of the previous trauma, can cause them to re-experience it.  The reaction is often extreme fear and panic (or in some cases, anger).
  2. Opposing beliefs and values.  They reflect what we hold as true and important in life.  They help us to feel safe and comfortable.   When we strongly identify with our beliefs and values, we may find it difficult to be tolerant when people disagree or challenge them.  Reason being that they are calling into question, the truth and legitimacy of what we hold dear
  3. Identity.  Our sense of self is composed of thoughts, memories, cultural values, assumptions and belief structures.   Its primary purpose is to protect us from facing what we fear most  – death of the self (as we know it).  It does this through developing elaborate “self-protection” mechanisms in the form of beliefs, ideals, desires, habits, and addictions.  Threats or challenges to our identity are likely to trigger emotions immediately.

The Importance of Identifying Emotional Triggers

If you want to create different results in your life, then it’s important that you consciously identify your emotional triggers. Otherwise, you’ll be constantly manipulated by your emotions. Furthermore, this underlying tension can drain your energy, trip you up, and strain relationships.  Alongside that, if you don’t address these emotional triggers, you will continue to repeat the same patterns.  You will continue to find yourself:

  • in triggering situations,
  • feeling the emotional reactions,
  • behaving in response
  • having the same results

Emotional triggers can interfere with your ability  to clarify your direction, make decisions and take action.   They disempower you and sabotage your success, blocking you as you try to make progress. Consequently, they affect your ability to achieve what’s important in your life.

If you are not achieving the results you want, then sit down and reflect.  Look for the patterns which are holding you back.  Similarly, consider how are those patterns being triggered?  Next, commit to getting them sorted out.  If you can’t identify or resolve the patterns and triggers yourself, or simply want to do it in a faster and more effective way, then I encourage you to seek out assistance.

Time to breakthrough your emotional triggers so you can achieve different results?  If so, it’s time to take action.  I have a proven step by step process for assisting people who are ready to breakthrough their emotionally triggered  patterns.   Simply click here to book a chat to find out how I can best assist you.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to create the life you desire – take at least one action step today towards achieving your important goals.

 

Warm regards

Lisa

 

Filed Under: Goals, Health & Wellbeing, The Whole Baby Thing, Transformation Tagged With: achieving goals, Blocks, breakthrough, Emotional triggers, Empowerment, goals, past experiences, patterns, success, transformation

17/09/2018 by Lisa McDonald Leave a Comment

Quote: The Greatest Obstacles To Inner Peace

Today’s quote comes from the Dalai Lama, a man committed to empowering himself and others to let go of emotions that disturb happiness …

Quote: The Greatest Obstacles to Inner Peace

Quote:

“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery
… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace.
The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions
such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion,
while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility
are the sources of peace and happiness.”
—Dalai Lama

Emotional Obstacles

Take a moment to consider where are you experiencing emotional disturbances.  Where are they creating obstacles in your life?

I encourage you to use the Dali Lama’s wise words to inspire your next step towards removing these obstacles, so you can live a happier life.

Filed Under: Goals, Health & Wellbeing, Quotes, The Whole Baby Thing, Transformation Tagged With: achieving goals, breakthrough, emotions, Empowerment, goals, inspiration, quote, success, transformation

22/08/2018 by Lisa McDonald Leave a Comment

6 Ways To Overcome Indecision

 

Blog_ 6 Ways To Overcome IndecisionI’m sure that you too have experienced times of indecision.  Times where you’ve struggled to make a decision, whether that’s small things or big things.  You may even be experiencing that somewhere in your life now.  For example, should I look for another job or should I stay put?  Should I have a baby or not? Should I spend my money on buying a property or not?

You’re not alone.  Even great leaders, who are generally not rash or foolhardy, can experience indecision.  On most days they know their mind and have the confidence to act on it.  However even they experience times where they waver between two or more possible courses of action.  When this happens, they too can freeze and start asking others what they should do.

What The Best Leaders and Achievers Do

The best leaders and achievers have an ability to get to the fundamental cause of their mental roadblock, and breakthrough it.   That’s what you need to do too to achieve your important goals and dreams.

Your indecision  may be a sign that the choice really matters to you.  It might also be a warning that you’re about to make the wrong decision.  Either way it gives you valuable time to gather more information, weigh up the facts and think about the situation.

However If you indecisive for too long, you may miss an opportunity.  It can also cause you to loose confidence in yourself further, compounding the problem further.

5 Causes of Indecision

There are a variety of causes for why people become indecisive.  Here are five of them:

  1. Out of practice — where you haven’t been making many bigger decisions in your life.
  2. Too many options can flood a person – overwhelm of your possible choices
  3. Fear of making the wrong decision – concern that you will make a mistake or fail
  4. Cognitive dissonance– conflict between their desires and those of the hand that fed/feeds them can lessen and cut them off from their desire
  5. Lacking confidence – Self doubt in your ability causing second guessing

6 Ways To Overcome Indecision:

Whether your indecision is around a particular goal, or has become a general habit, know that you can reduce your indecision with practice.  Take a few minutes to read the list below for ways you can improve your decision making.

  1. Look at the big picture. Consider the importance of the decision in the longer term.  As you enter old age what would you regret most?   To read about the Top 5 Regrets of the Dying, read my blog article:  [xxxxxxxx}
  2. Identify the fear of consequences. Ask yourself what’s the worst that could happen. Then, contemplate how you would address it if it happened.  By figuring out a concrete ways to deal with it if it came true, you can remove a lot of it’s power and control over your decision-making
  3. Accept the limits of analysis. Don’t paralyse yourself with analysis.  There comes a time when no matter how much logical thinking you do, or information you have, the decision isn’t going to get any easier.  Give yourself a time limit on your research, list-making and pondering.
  4. Tune into your emotions. Trust your gut. Ask yourself “which option feels more ‘right’ for you .
  5. Break the decision down into smaller pieces. Sometimes big decisions can become overwhelming.  If that’s the case, practice making decisions on smaller pieces which are part the bigger process
  6. Eliminate should’s. Nothing leads to indecision faster than letting your actions be guided by the desire to impress or satisfy  – what you think you should do for others.  Inevitably that part of you wants something different will cause you to rebel.  When you stop worrying about what everyone else will think, the best decision often becomes crystal clear.

Breaking The Hold Of Indecision

Combine the above actions with you own range of strengths as you work on breaking the hold of indecision.  Using these will support your decision-making process, helping you make the choices that are right for you.  And, assisting you to take the actions required to achieve your important goals.

If indecision has been holding you back in achieving one or more important goals, then it’s time to commit to tackling it. Please be kind to yourself in the process.

To support you in progressing and achieving your most important goals, take action today by implementing today’s tips.

Do you have a favourite tip for overcoming indecision?  If so, please share it below.

Warm regards

Lisa

 

Filed Under: Goals, Health & Wellbeing, The Whole Baby Thing, Transformation Tagged With: achieving goals, Empowerment, fear, goals, indecision, transformation

17/07/2018 by Lisa McDonald Leave a Comment

Anthony Robbins: Getting Caught In A Mental Trap

Blog - Tony Robbins: Caught In a Metal Trap

Today’s wise words on getting caught in a mental trap comes from American Tony Robbins (born 1960).  Tony Robbins is an author, entrepreneur, philanthropist and life coach.  He has touched many people’s lives – including my own through his health, wealth and peak performance books and seminars.  He has also worked with many high profile people on an individual basis including:  Bill Clinton, Serena William, Nelson Mandela, Princess Diana and Hugh Jackman.  Read more about my story in a moment.

Here’s today’s wise quote from Tony Robbins;

“Often we are caught in a mental trap of seeing enormously successful people and thinking they are where they are because they have some special gift.  Yet a closer look shows that the greatest gift that extraordinarily successful people have over the average person is their ability to get themselves to take action.”
– Anthony Robbins.

The Mental Trap

My first experience with Tony Robbins was in about 2002.  It was at one of his seminars  when I attended his Unleash The Power Within.  At this event he coached thousands of ordinary people to walk across hot coals.  The purpose of the fire walk is for participants to experience a new level of what’s possible.  He  has been teaching since 1983.

In order to get people to do the fire walk he had to train them out of the mental traps.  Walking through hot goals is something that most people would perceive as life threatening, and would not even attempt.  The wrong mindset significantly increases the risk of burning your feet on the hot coals.  It also makes people quit and not even doing the activity.  The right mindset gets a person thinking and doing the right things to safely cross the hot coals.  So Tony had to prepare and train our minds away from mental traps which may prevent success. 

It was a powerful lesson.  Not everybody did the activity – but it certainly was an amazing experience for those of us that did the activity! It definitely showed what our mind is capable of when we focus our mind and take action (or avoid it).  When ordinary people get out of the mental trap they CAN achieve extraordinary things!

Breakthrough The Mental Traps

Whether your goal is to walk across hot coals or achieve some other important goal, it’s essential to break through any mental traps blocking you.  By doing so you’ll be better able to focus your mind and take actions.   Otherwise you’ll never achieve the goals and results you want to achieve.

For more information on some of the common blocks that you may need to breakthrough to achieve different results, visit my blog “3 Blocks That Sabotage Your Success And What To Do About It” .   You’ll learn – 3 ways you may be sabotaging your success, how these block keep you stuck and some exercises you can implement today to get unblocked.

Another way you can breakthrough is by working with a coach who can assist you with identifying where you’re getting stuck, creating a roadmap for breaking through, and supporting you to take the necessary actions to succeed   To see how I can help you click here to book a time with me and we’ll go over the options. 

Your Biggest Mental Trap

I’d love to hear  what your biggest mental trap is.  Please share your thoughts below or send me a message

With warm regards

Lisa

PS Remember -to take at least one action step today to progress your most important goals.

Filed Under: Goals, Health & Wellbeing, Quotes, The Whole Baby Thing, Transformation Tagged With: achieving goals, breakthrough, goal achievement, mindset, quote, quotes, success, the mind, transformation

07/05/2018 by Lisa McDonald Leave a Comment

Letting Habits Go Can Be Uncomfortable

 Letting Habits Go Can Be Uncomfortable

Today’s post is continuing on the theme of habits.

In my last post I spoke about how habits can  hold your development back.   I shared a story about weaning my son from his habit of dummy sucking, including how it was holding his development back, his struggle and how we stepped him through it.  Click here to read my previous post.

Habits are uncomfortable to change, because they lack the familiarity that you’re used to.  However you cant always keep doing it the same old way.  Sometimes you need to find a new way … especially if you want to achieve goals.  .

Changing Circumstances May Require New Habits

Just as Charlie didn’t have a choice about his dummy being removed, you too will face times where your choices have been taken away.  You might not get to choose a change in circumstances, but you do have a choice as to how you handle that change in circumstances.  When these times appear you can fight or you can embrace the opportunity. You can be a victim or victor. Weak or empowered. At each step you have choices.  

Here are some of the basic changes my son went through when his circumstances changed, which meant he no longer had access to the old habit:

  • Happily sucking his dummy for comfort
  • Resisting a change he didn’t ask for it
  • The discomfort and struggle of withdrawing from the old way
  • Acting out his anger dissatisfaction, including oscillating between go away and come here
  • Adjusting to not having it readily available (yet would willingly take it back in a heartbeat)
  • A new normal; developing with residual attachment

How long before the attachment drops away altogether? … That remains to be seen – he still asks for it a few times most days.

Evolving Habits

Evolving Out of Old Habits

If you want to achieve your goals, then you need to evolve your ways of operating in alignment with your goals.

Just like Charlie, you have habits which help you to feel comfortable.  Each one has been adopted at some point in time because the strategy as worked for you – it helped you to operate in a certain way or achieve a certain outcome you wanted.  Then you repeated it and repeated it, utilising it routinely and automatically, without thinking.

At various points in your life you will find that your old habits are no longer serving you. For example they may be:

  • Outdated – there may be more modern options available
  • Having a detrimental effect which can’t be ignored (like my son’s dental bite problem). Or
  • Preventing your progress, growth and achievement of new results.

Once you recognise this, have the courage to confront and evolve.

Habits Required for Success

Achieving Goals

Achieving new goals (or old goals which haven’t yet been achieved) requires you to find new wsays of doing things.   You can’t expect to continue all your old habits, addictions and patterns and still expect to get new results. 

Instead you’ll need to do things differently.   You’ll need to learn new habits – ones which are aligned with your goals.    You’ll need to adjust your mindset, emotions and actions.   And it will take work to start the process, implement it and make it the new normal.

Changing Habits is Uncomfortable

Habits are comfortable – they have worked for you in the past so it gives you a level of certainty.  And, you’ve repeated them off enough that they are automatic.

Change is uncomfortable because it lacks the familiarity your’re used to – your new pattern of action is different and doesn’t just flow automatically.  Therefore it can feel unfamiliar, clunky and unnatural.  You have to retrain yourself repeatedly until the new way becomes your normal was of operating, automatically. 

Failing to get started in the first place, or stopping before it’s an ingrained habit will just reinforce the old habits – and you’ll continue to get the same old results.

Breaking Through Old Habits

You can break through your old habits, addictions and patterns – and you must if you want to progress and achieve your goals and dreams.

3 Important Questions

Here’s 3 important questions to ask your self if your serious about breaking through so you can achieving more success:

Thoughts + Feelings + Actions = Results

  1. What important goal/s are you’re working on?
  2. What habits, addictions or patterns are slowing you down or blocking your progress?
  3. How are you going to change these limiting habits, addictions or patterns?

 

Breaking Through Old Habits

You can break through your old habits, addictions and patterns by:

  • Clarifying the habits of thinking, feeling and actioning which require breakthrough
  • Connecting with your motivations for breaking through
  • Educating yourself on how to breakthrough
  • Implementing the activities required to breakthrough
  • Removing conscious and sub-conscious blocks to breaking through

Climbing the mountain: Up Down NeutralDoing it yourself is one option.  This option can be done by very rewarding.  However it can also be a very long and arduous journey with a big learning curve, as you navigate all the unknown territory.

Speeding Up The Breakthrough Process

If you are struggling to get the breakthrough you want, or want to speed up the breakthrough process, then work with someone who already has the knowledge, experience and resources to

assist you.  You’ll get the support you need to make progress towards your goals.  In the long run you can save a lot of time, effort and often money

If you have some important goals to achieve and would like some help to break through your habits, so you can achieve different results, please contact me.  I’d love to talk to you about what’s holding you back and how you can get your breakthrough.

Breaking through old habits, addictions and patterns is uncomfortable, however it’s an essential part of achieving your goals

What action step will you take today to improve your habits and advance your goals achievements?

Warm regards
Lisa

 

Filed Under: Goals, Health & Wellbeing, The Whole Baby Thing, Transformation Tagged With: achieving goals, alignment, breakthrough, Empowerment, goals, goals achievement, habits, transformation

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • …
  • 44
  • Next Page »

Privacy Policy

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
Copyright © 2019 | Website by Webonize